Thursday 22 July 2010

Single 34 year old seeks.......

I’ve been single for a long while now and my friends have been trying to convince me that internet dating is the way forward.  Now, I don’t believe them but after reading about every man and his dog meeting people on t’interweb and getting married I thought maybe I ought to re-visit it! 

Seriously BIG mistake.  After wasting a good hour of my life trawling through pages of ‘eligible bachelors’ let me offer you guys who are genuinely trying to meet a girl some advice:

-          Get rid of the crap user name.  It may be what the lads have called you for the last 10 years but quite frankly I don’t need a ‘stud muffin’ in my life!

-          Put some clothes on in your profile pictures......okay? Thanks!

-          For the love of god learn to spell.....if you don’t know how, turn on spell check or find a dictionary.

-          If the bio line is the first thing Ladies see then writing ‘I don’t do this’ is quite ridiculous.

-          If you have ‘in a relationship’ as a status.....f*ck off!  Seriously I feel really sorry for you and your Partner and it’s only a matter of time before you are caught!

-          Try and find a more amusing bio-line than ‘caring man seeks caring woman’.....Yawn!!!  If you aren’t capable of coming up with one ask a female friend to help so I at least feel like there’s hope in the dating world.

-          Complete your profile page as much as possible!  It’s a deal breaker for me knowing how tall you are and if you want any more kids!

-          Sending me e-mails that indicate you just want sex.....just don’t do it for me!!

I don’t think that I’m fussy when it comes to men (although my friends may disagree) but there are a couple of things that I really need:

-          You have to be at least 6 ft tall.  I’m 5’ 11” and call me old fashioned but I will not be dating anybody that is 5’ 5”!

-          The spelling thing really annoys me.....see point 2 above ;-)

-          I don’t need a partner that earns a huge amount and I don’t care if you are a dustbin man or
what your profession may be.  Someone that earns under £20k is probably not gonna do it for me on an internet dating site though!  (yeah...I’m shallow.....I need someone that will buy  me Louboutins at least once a year!!!)

So, it’s looking likely that I’m not going to find my match on the t’interweb...anyone got any other bright ideas?????
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