On the Run!

So I've kind of mentioned that I've started running again but there were a few things I'd forgotten about running, since it's been so long!!

1) It hurts!!!! My joints today, after my third run of the week, are stiff to say the least!!

2) Blisters are not cool and are very unattractive but strangely enough as soon as I start to run I forget all about them. Until I've done several miles or stop at least!!

3) Runners are a friendly bunch. I'm a bit of a snail when I run (in fact people walking could overtake me!!) but other runners always nod and smile and make me feel like I'm part of their fit, healthy club.....which I love!!

4) I love the feeling I get. The exhilaration. Whilst I'm running I'm actually smiling and just plodding along thinking about how great life is. I forget whatever it is I'm worrying about and just concentrate on breathing and trying not to get knocked down!!

5) Just being out in the fresh air. I've only had my car back for a couple of weeks and already we are back to not walking anywhere and being stuck in the car so it's fabulous to be out in the open!!

When I was out running yesterday the strangest thing happened. It was about 5.30pm so the only light was from the street lights.I was pounding along the pavement, concentrating on breathing and picking my feet up when the whole world went black. Like pitch black. Not an ounce of light anywhere. I skidded to a complete halt and was just in the process of uttering fu******************k and beginning to freak out when the whole street came back on again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd like to say that I wasn't a girl about it but I ran all the way home as quickly as my legs would carry me! I'm presuming that it was some kind of very short power cut but it scared the bejesus out of me I tell ya!!! 

This weekend I'm going to have a break from running and try Outdoor swimming instead! My crazy Brother is a member of the SLSC and him and his friends swim at the Lido almost everyday, whatever the weather. He has been threatening to take me there for ages and as we are in London this weekend I figured I'd give it a try. I'm not convinced that I will be brave enough to actually get my whole body in and swim (especially if the snow and sleet continues.....brrrrr!!!) but I figure if nothing else it'll make for a hilarious blog post!!! Watch this space!!!

Panic! At the Disco.......and erm...everywhere else actually!

I wrote this post last week when I was in the middle of a panic attack and I’ve been unsure whether or not to publish it but I figure that sharing might help.....

I’m been suffering from major panic attacks for just over a year now. I have no idea what causes them and nothing specific seems to bring them on. It isn’t something that I’ve talked about with many people because I have been trying to deal with them in my own way. Recently they’ve been much better but all day today I’ve been having them in waves.

It is the most horrible experience ever. First of all I get a bit shaky and then I start getting chest pains.  Then comes the absolute conviction that I’m having a heart attack and about to die. Sometimes my neck goes numb and I struggle to keep it together. My shoulders will then start hurting and before I know it all I can concentrate on is how much everything hurts. Even as I’m typing this I feel that these might be the last words I ever type. I realise that it sounds dramatic and ridiculous and tomorrow when I wake up I’ll think myself stupid but it’s how I feel now.

When all the feelings are going on and I’m struggling to get through it, is when my brain kicks in with even more drama. Thoughts start to surface about how Chick will cope when I die, what my Mum will think when she has to clean my messy house, how my funeral will be, who will take care of Chick.

Normally when I get into a real state the only thing that works for me is sleep. Failing that I Google the symptoms for panic attacks and read everything that I can to try and talk my brain into realising that this is what’s going on. I’ve spoken to the Doc about it and she said to go back if it gets any worse and she’ll prescribe something for me but I don’t really want to go down the route of taking drugs to control them.

I don’t want this to continue as it is beginning to affect Chick. I don’t want to be asleep on the couch when we have time at home together, I want us to have fun together and for her to live a normal childhood.

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Now, over a week later I feel a little bit more in control and although I haven’t made it back to the Doc I have made some changes. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink for over a week as this seems to make them worse. I’ve also started running again which may not sound like a big deal but it’s been a while and I’d forgotten how much I love it. Running (although I don’t do it very fast) seems to clear my head and the panic attacks have calmed down a little. Fingers crossed that this will be an end to it and I’ll continue to control them.

Do any of you guys suffer from panic attacks? How do you deal with them? Is there a trick that worked for you? Did you get some help from the Doctor? All comments and ideas gratefully received.

Silent Sunday.......starting as I mean to go on with a present from my brother!!!

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone. I can't believe that 2011 is here already!!! Now generally I don't make new years resolutions mainly because I last for about 3 days on the diet/not drinking whatever things I come up with. This year though I have one main resolution and a few smaller ones. I've decided that this is just something that I'll aim for rather than being everything being set in stone.

Spend more time with my family & friends (this is my main resolution)

This is something I seem to have been missing in my life at the end of 2010. I haven't seen my brother and sister in law for 6 months and they only live in London!!! I also want to hang with my daughter more and do stuff rather than us both being stuck in front of the TV.

Stop Moaning

I've always been a world class moaner but now I'm beginning to get on my own nerves!!! There is always something wrong or I'm moaning about lack of money. Well I just need to get over myself. Most people don't have enough money to go around and moaning about it doesn't actually help anything!!!

Enjoy Life

As above I'm going to stop moaning and enjoy life. Be it seeing my family, hanging out with Chick, taking more pictures, not getting stressed out, taking up running again and just generally getting back to my old self.

Eat Healthily

I refuse to diet. I just can't do it and nothing ever seems to stick however I'm aware that our lifestyle needs to change and we need to eat much better food than we currently do. I'm also cutting down on the drink again and am very proud of myself that I'm not hung over today and managed to make it for a run this morning!!!

I was reading over at the Thought Bubble today and the lovely Bubble Boo said that she sees each new year as a blank canvas......I love that idea. Let's hope 2011 gives us all a vibrant and colourful canvas!!! Do you bother with new years resolutions? What plans do you have for 2011?