I wrote this post last week when I was in the middle of a panic attack and I’ve been unsure whether or not to publish it but I figure that sharing might help.....
I’m been suffering from major panic attacks for just over a year now. I have no idea what causes them and nothing specific seems to bring them on. It isn’t something that I’ve talked about with many people because I have been trying to deal with them in my own way. Recently they’ve been much better but all day today I’ve been having them in waves.
It is the most horrible experience ever. First of all I get a bit shaky and then I start getting chest pains. Then comes the absolute conviction that I’m having a heart attack and about to die. Sometimes my neck goes numb and I struggle to keep it together. My shoulders will then start hurting and before I know it all I can concentrate on is how much everything hurts. Even as I’m typing this I feel that these might be the last words I ever type. I realise that it sounds dramatic and ridiculous and tomorrow when I wake up I’ll think myself stupid but it’s how I feel now.
When all the feelings are going on and I’m struggling to get through it, is when my brain kicks in with even more drama. Thoughts start to surface about how Chick will cope when I die, what my Mum will think when she has to clean my messy house, how my funeral will be, who will take care of Chick.