Picture the scene: It’s 11.30am on a Saturday morning and I’m asleep in bed because I was out partying until 5am. I hear a great knocking on the door and rush downstairs to answer it thinking that it must be the Postman with a lovely parcel for me. Imagine my great confusion when there is no-one at the front door and then someone knocks again on the back door!
Having been dragged from my hungover bed, I am wearing white sparkly bed socks and am naked apart from a High School Musical blanket covering the necessary parts!! I may have mentioned before that I live in the Ghetto so we aren’t among the nicest houses in the world and most of you know that I’m not particularly house proud and my garden needs some serious work doing on it!!
So I open the back door in my dishevelled state and standing there is the woman who owns the house next door (very posh Southerner, probably about 70, bought it as a ‘holiday home’!!). The conversation went like this:
Her: Sorry to get you out of the bath.
Her: Just to let you know that the old tenants have moved out and some new tenants will be moving in.
Her: I presumed you weren’t living here anymore when I saw the state of the garden and nobody has swept the entry for ages.
Her: Whilst sweeping the entry, I thought I noticed that the water pipe leading from your house looks damp. Can you please sort it out as we share a bathroom wall and I don't want mine to get damp.
Me: The water pipe is damp? *smirks*
Her: I’d like the address and telephone number of the housing association please because I’d like to make a complaint?
Me: Errrrrrr.....sure but I’ll have to bring it around later. (not having a pen tucked between my nakedness and my high school musical blanket)
Her: Looks me up and down speculatively
Her: I take it your daughter doesn’t live here any longer? (casts eyes around the garden!!!)
Her: Hmmmmmm (still casting eyes around the garden)
Me: I’ll bring the number round later. (slams door!)
(Sit down for a minute to try and let my brain catch up with what just happened!!!) OMG! What a fucking bitch! So now I feel very slovenly and I’m expecting a visit from the Housing Association and Social Services sometime next week! I may not be the best Cleaner or Gardener in the world but I love my daughter more than anything and NO-ONE will ever be able to dispute that!!