Wednesday 5 October 2011

Internet Dating..........Part 2

I should apologise for the overuse of the word dumbass in this post and also for the swear words!!

For the past however many years I have been single. I don't have a problem with this as I presumed that I would just meet someone when fate deemed it right. It turns out however that my friends in all their wisdom, think that I should be giving fate a helping hand, so I've jumped in at the deep end and (by actual force and tequila persuasion) have joined a dating website. 

These are my thoughts so far:

1) If you have a half naked picture I'm going to presume that:

a) you are properly vain
b) you don't have any brain cells
c) you're not after a fat bird

2) If your profile has comprehensive spelling mistakes, I am going to presume you're:

a) a dumbass
b) lazy and incapable of using spell check
c) not the man for me

3) If you ask for my bra size at any point during the initial e-mails or actually at ANY point, I'm going to assume that you're:

a) a dumbass
b) only after sex and not worth my while
c) a dumbass

4) If u rite lik dis den i cant fookin understand, yeh, innit, so will not reply because I'm going to assume that you're:

a) a dumbass
b) have NO actual education
c) aren't worth my while

5) If you are already in a 'committed' relationship and e-mailing me then I suggest that you:

a) find a dictionary and look up the word 'committed'
b) Concentrate on the relationship you already have because your partner is probably bloody miserable!!
c) look up the word 'dumbass' in the dictionary!

6) It's completely amazing that sooooo many of you spend so much time in the gym. I suggest that:

a) you are full of shit
b) you have no brain cells
c) you are NOT the man for me

7) I'm thinking that this dating thing is bullshit!!!!! Do you:

a) Agree
b) Disagree
c) Laugh and agree it will make decent blog fodder???

I look forward to hearing from some genuine people!!!
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