Sunday 16 October 2011

Time to say goodbye......

When I first started at my current job 5 years ago and I was the new girl, there was a man who started just after me (who we shall call the Organ Grinder) and we rapidly became good friends. I find our relationship very hard to quantify or put into a box without going into lengthy descriptions but if I were to describe it on Faceboook I guess I would go with ‘It’s Complicated’!!!

A few weeks ago nearing the 5 year point of us knowing each other he told me that he was leaving. I’m really pleased for him as he has bagged a better job with less hours, more money and which is closer to home.  It’s only really hit me in the last few days that I actually won’t see him every day and I won’t have my rock at work. My emotions have been all over the place this last week what with meeting ‘The Man’ and saying goodbye to the Organ Grinder but actually one wouldn’t have worked without the other.

The Organ Grinder probably doesn’t realise this but he has taught me many lessons both about myself and about being in a relationship. The main one being that it’s ok to be exactly yourself. Before I met the Organ Grinder I’d always tried to be whatever the other person wanted me to be but he only ever wanted me to be me......even with all the crazy!!

I find it really hard to let people into my head and through my barriers but some days I felt like he could read my mind. It takes a lot of getting used to, to let people get to know you well but I think we got there eventually. The thing that our relationship was built on was honesty. Even if we didn’t like what we were telling each other at least it was the truth.

The other thing that he taught me is that it’s fine to disagree. It doesn’t have to dissolve into a big argument or a screaming match and you can then let these things go. I’ve also learned that sometimes I need telling that I’m out of line and that I need to wind my neck in (but let’s not share that one with anyone else!!) This also doesn’t mean that I’m no longer loved or is any major problem, I just need to shut up occasionally and/or stop being ridiculous!

Mentally I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the fact that he will no longer be around for the past few weeks. We were never ‘together’ as it were but telling him about ‘The Man’ was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. After I’d severed what feels like that final link, I cried on and off for the rest of the day.

And now I guess we’re done.... We are both moving forwwards. Me with ‘The Man’ and the Organ Grinder with his new job and colleagues and work I’m crying like a girl again....

What I was trying to say to him (really ineffectively) with this post is that he has meant the world to me over the last 5 years and without having met him, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now. I also need to say a massive thank you for all of the lessons learnt as above and for giving me the courage to move into my new relationship as myself. He will never know how much that means to me xxx
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