Tuesday 2 March 2010

When will I learn?????

I don’t know if I can put into words what I feel today about Chick’s Dad.  I go through varying emotions day to day.  Sometimes hate, sometimes love, sometimes indifference but mainly complete and utter frustration!
I’ve known him for at least 10 years now and I’m still no closer to fathoming out what makes him tick.  I like to think that he isn’t a bad man and he truly isn’t however, he is one of the most ineffectual human beings I ever met.

He is a brilliant Dad, when he’s with her, but that’s easy considering he is only with Chick an hour a week.  I’m sure she’d think that I was fun if she only spent one hour a week with me and not the other 167 as well!!

Today is another day, when I was already spent when I got home but, he is always able to draw me in and make me laugh.  I love and hate this about him in equal measure.  Hate it because I don’t want him to make me laugh or to find him fun. Love it because I remember just what I always liked about him and how easily we get on together and sadly I have to admit it makes me gooey inside on the odd occasion that I forget he’s a dick and we play happy families together!!!

He is a good Dad but I want him to be more involved.  I want him to actually pay for his Daughter instead of me struggling all the time.  I want him to want to attend Parents Evening and not just come on the nights when I can force him too.  I want him to take care of his daughter for more than an hour. I don't think I'm asking a lot!?!

It also really bugs me that I still find him sooooo handsome (although many would disagree)!  I would hate for him to know this but I find him devastatingly heart-stoppingly gorgeous, even at the same time as hating every bone in his body. It makes it worse that I get the feeling he still fancies me too....yikes!!!

On the other hand I don’t know what to do about this?  It bothers me that I feel the need to drink every Tuesday night to get over his visit!  When will I ever get to the point when he stops affecting me?  Why can I not get over him even though he’s a complete and utter Muppet???? How do I get him to spend more time with Chick without forcing either of them into it? My main question though is when will I stop being so fu**ing ridiculous???  Answers on a postcard please!!!


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